One man's life with a progress bar

New short starring "Mr Vista"

2011-12-04T16:22:00.001Z

A cool new film from my good friends Nick Scott and Jonathan Rhodes (aka Mr Vista)

LA Shorts Fest

2011-06-29T21:32:00.002+01:00

Its official!

Big in LA

2011-06-16T21:36:00.001+01:00

Good news Vistarons!

Mr Vista will be screening at the LA Shorts Fest, next month, July 21st-19th. If there are any US fans out there, they are welcome to my pass and to be the official Mr Vista representative!

Leave a comment if you are interested.

Mr Vista lives! (kind of)

2011-03-24T20:24:00.000Z

The man behind the enigmatic face of Mr Vista is back into his real job of 'real' acting. Check out the above film PLUS his new TV ad.

Hasta La Vista

2011-01-30T22:47:00.000Z

Please upgrade your copy of Mr Vista. It has expired.

The final ever Mr Vista. Thank goodness. Please return your normal, repetitive lives. Thank you.

Mini Me

2011-01-16T13:37:00.000Z

You know that minimise button? Now THAT could be very helpful. Perhaps on your waistline if you have been sitting in front of progress bars recently!

Filmed from thoughts that leaked from the mind of Michelle Goode.

2011-01-09T21:42:00.002Z

We all know that impatience is the curse of the IT user. I mean, come on, we aren't getting any younger are we? And yet there we are, wasting the best years of our lives watching a spiny thing or a little egg timer if we are mac addicts. And that egg-timer just flips around when it is empty anyway.

Okay, so maybe we weren't actually planning on doing anything with these 'best years', as we generally fear the outside and other humans. But that isn't the point!

So what is the point? Oh yes, today's lesson. Don't click away on the mouse like a twitching chimp, just give in, surrender, and wait for the egg timer.

Today's episode is from the prolific pen of Michelle Goode.

The REAL Mr Vista

2010-12-19T11:08:00.000Z

Yes, it is Mr Vista 2011. Unfortunately for this young lad he is not in fact celebrating his love of geeky web comedy. I mean, his crown isn't even blue! Instead he is the winner of this.

Mr Vista is Fragged Off

2010-12-18T14:44:00.000Z

What happens when you reach half way through series 3 of a so-called 'comedy' web series? Well it seems that Mr Vista has become clogged up with stupid ideas and is hampered by repetitive, almost formulaic thoughts. Luckily, the colleague is on hand to perform a defrag!

Written by Michelle Goode. Music by Louis Derry

Mr Vista gets a Virus

2010-12-05T18:21:00.000Z

Mr Vista is stricken with a spot of the winter flu. But, hey, that's no problem for the geek-meister. He has just had his anti-virus application installed. Just as well his brain doesn't contain too many files!

Guest writer: Michelle Goode. Music by Louis Derry.

2010-11-29T18:55:00.000Z

Mr Vista is now available to view on your Roku streaming video unit - via blip.tv

2010-11-28T12:09:00.000Z

Mr Vista has one final attempt at getting his Windows 7 inspired advert made. We have heard that he has been working on some 'exciting' ideas - he just needs to print them out. Yes, we can all see where this is going! But go with it. At least it is short. And the last one of these advert thingies.

PLUS - don't forget that there are some shameless and commercially suspect Mr Vista gifts for that geek in your life. If you don't have a geek in your life then you probably are one yourself. In which case you don't have any friends. So, hey, buy a comedy mug for yourself. It may fill that aching emotional void. Cheers then.

Pop to the shop

2010-11-21T11:45:00.000Z

Mr Vista was so pleased to discover that you internet people enjoyed his half-assed spoof of the Windows 7 advert - that he has decided to do a take 2. This cyber stardom may all be going to his head, or at least his hat!

Mr Vista's 7 second guide

2010-11-14T17:09:00.000Z

Mr Vista is back for one more desperate clutch at online fame, now that being a youtube star is generally yesterday's news and everyone is watching Anne Widdicombe instead.

The blue-hatted legend starts will some little teaser episodes to ease you back in. He got quite upset at the "Windows 7 second guide" adverts on TV and so tried to make his own instead.

New theme tune

2010-04-06T19:18:00.002+01:00

Mr Vista by OscarLater

Check out the new Mr Vista theme tune from Louis Derry.

Mr Vista on Comedy Central

2010-02-13T20:56:00.002Z

Birthdays are for losers

Atom.com: Funny Videos | Short Films | Funny Animations

Go on, give Mr Vista your support (ie vote) over on Atom and lets get him on Comedy Central!

Mr Vista yet to come

2010-02-09T22:30:00.001Z

A video that should appeal to you Vista fans - the future of the Vista experience.
(not made by us)

Mr Vista is a millionaire

2010-01-26T21:41:00.006Z

Just a quick note to say that Mr Vista has now exceeded 1 million views on Dailymotion alone. YouTube going well also.

We were on www.youtube.com/itsmrvista but they kicked off whoever was on www.youtube.com/mrvista so we could have that too!

One of my faves...

Thanks

2010-01-26T21:35:00.002Z

Mr Vista crosses the 1 million view mark on Dailymotion. Awesome-tastic.

Thank goodness

2009-08-02T10:21:00.003+01:00

Mr Vista will be less visible for a couple of months while we try to get additional funding for Series 3. There are some great scripts in and some top secret funding opportunities 'just a few clicks away'.

Of course the downbeat spirit of Mr Vista prevents me from actually getting excited about it all. Plus, the realisation that none of this matters anyway. Yeah! Pointless lives! Just the way we like it.

So please now return to you repetitive existence. Until Series 3 is back on perhaps play the fun real life Mr Vista game. It is called 'how little impact do I make on the world?'. It is easy. Simply ask yourself...

If you didn't make it to ever see Mr Vista Series 3 :( and you died tomorrow how would anyone know? Because:

your blog wasn't updated
your turn on a facebook game wasn't taken
your productivity at work decreased
your productivity at work increased!
no one would notice for months until the firebrigade has to break into your flat and they find a skeleton hunched over the keyboard with a half typed search on google maps for the nearest doctor because you couldn't remember the emergency number was 999.

Cheers then! Have fun :)

*top progress bar shows the new 'rural English' language setting in Vista.

How 'hot' is Mr Vista?

2009-07-26T15:59:00.003+01:00

We were all very proud when YouTube wanted to feature Mr Vista as a case study in using the new 'Hot Spot' feature.

Recognition, fame, pride. We all need such things. And who better to deliver it then a large advert funded corporation!

This new feature allows you to see how a video holds the attention of the viewer. Adam Sense, from YouTube, talks through the system and how it could be used to make Mr Vista a richer experience for viewers everywhere. The man is clearly understands the exciting nature of this new artform with an eye to the sensibilities of its growing audience and the boundaries of its aesthetic potential.

The quiz results (so far)

2009-07-19T15:56:00.004+01:00

'Self reflection' and 'personal diagnosis' is always a great way to waste time. And I am happy to help you all in doing it.

However, some bad news. It would seem that the majority of 'Vistarons' are in fact too cool for Mr Vista. Here are three tasks to do this week which should help you all get back on the pointless treadmill of existence where you know that you belong:

1/ Try to install linux on your Playstation3. Its geeky. Pointless. And turns a fun device into a machine that requires constant IT maintenance and updates. Brilliant!

2/ Rip all your DVDs. Why have bulky DVDs that you feel obliged to lend to friends? Sod that. Instead spend days ripping them all to your media server - even better news - you may need to upgrade your 'g' wireless to 'n' to make it stream okay. What a treat! Bonus points for spending hours researching the best codec to rip to. Super extra bonus for picking a codec that is amazing but that no-one in the world uses.

3/ Set up a fake profile. Don't have enough 'friends' on facebook etc. Set up a fake one instead. Someone that could, in fact, actually be popular. Someone who looks like he may go out and do things and would have an opinion of things. Word of caution however - prepare for instant depression as your imaginary person turns out to be more popular than you within 14 hours.

Take the Mr Vista quiz!

2009-07-12T10:44:00.002+01:00

See how much of a geek you really are! And you are off to a great start already by...

a/ being here
b/ thinking about taking a nerdy online quiz

So go for it.

This page cannot be found

2009-07-05T15:05:00.006+01:00

You know how it is, you are merrily 'surfing' the web - or at least floating on it in a blow up dingy - when you hit the dreaded...

404 error

aka - page not found.

Well now, at last, that need not be the boring dead end it is today. Not if webmasters everywhere ditch that dull, lifeless bit of text and instead select one of "Mr Vista's stupidly short yet depressingly accurate portrayals of the randomness and repetition of life as typified by following a dead link to an empty page" clips. Or, for those who prefer to have things explained using old fashioned notions of 'truth' or 'accuracy' - here are some 5 second clips you can stick on dead pages.*

Why let people guess whether you have stuffed up your website build? Be proud of it.

See you in the future folks!

*If you have a website then you will probably find your webspace provider has a folder of error pages you can adapt. Have look in your server space. Simply add the code for the clip you like to the html of the 404 error code page. You get the embed code you need to add by clicking on the 'menu' button of the clip you like and then selecting 'URL and embed code'.

Mr Vista officially 'a waste of time'

2009-06-30T14:04:00.004+01:00

FeedMil searches blogs for interesting content.

Mr Vista was duly searched and an automatic word cloud was generated for the content of the entire output so far. What words sum up this 2 year endeavour? To what key phrases did the complex computer algorithms boil down all this creativity?

As you can see, "Waste of time" the was main conclusion.

Yeah! Rock on!

Back up your brain

2009-06-27T15:13:00.002+01:00

Back up your brain
Uploaded by MrVista - Sitcom, sketch, and standup comedy videos.

YES! We see a 'welcome' return to the Brain Transfer Kit! As seen in previous episodes it has now returned to seek revenge. Perhaps it should be used to forget the entire second series of Mr Vista.

But remember, as "The Colleague" says - if you are going to use the Brain Transfer Kit (tm) then obviously make sure that you back your brain up first. Losing 10 years of photos when your hard drive goes down is nothing compared to having your mind reformatted. All those childhood memories can't be recovered. But then maybe that is for the best. And if you wait long enough old age will dull the pain. It ensures that the cumilative experience of lost chances and regrets - aka your life - slips in a grey fog.

Now if only we could invent a brain RAID!

Do you have a better idea?

2009-06-21T10:24:00.005+01:00

The new series of Mr Vista is coming soon. And the good news is - it will be the last.

Obviously we can't even really be bothered to make this series, but over the months it has sort of become a habit. Like going to the nearest barber even though he is half blind and you should walk another 50 yards.

Or maybe your habit is watching every episode of Mr Vista and then moaning about how you could do better. Well now you can. If you have an idea or script then send it in. A line or two is more than enough if the crushing, depressing, soul sucking, technobabble idea shines through. Send them to...

mrvista at projectorfilms dot com

Easy! So far we have about 15 ideas sent in by the vistarons. Can't promise to make them all, but we try.

Last series we used ideas from all these people - sometimes with a bit of mix and match to make it all work...

Dom Carver - 3 great episodes - SatNav, paying the bills and the microwave meal
Stephen Morrison - with the film downloads
Mark Wellman - for throwing in the title Mr Vesta
Dailymotion viewer - Fssabbagh and Rob Hill both said; Mr Vista goes on Holiday

So thanks to them as well as the regular Mr Vista crew - The Uncle and Marshman

Getting somewhere at last

2009-06-14T14:25:00.003+01:00

The SatNav of life! With Mr Vista
Uploaded by MrVista - Click for more funny videos.

Mr Vista is all about good wholesome feelings such as; boredom, despair, lethargy, melancholy - and my own personal favourite; the feeling of being ineffective.

Well today this is all summed up via the medium of the satnav. Now you really can feel like you aren't getting anywhere in life. Hurrah!

Guest writer: Dom Carver
Guest appearance by: The Progress Bar

I'm Mr Vista!

2009-06-07T12:41:00.003+01:00

Everyone wants to be Mr Vista these days - well, without the crushing loneliness at futile existence anyway!

Worst Holiday Ever

2009-05-31T10:28:00.003+01:00

Just as it gets sunny let's remember what a real British trip to the seaside should be like! Yeah! Us geeks aren't really happy with all this good weather. Damn, we may even lose our paleness!!! So think of this video as something comforting.

So now - the full awful, tragic and depressing evidence of Mr Vista's so-called holiday. A follow on from the previous episode as so many people seemed to like the brief glimpse and wanted to see more downbeat miserable drudgery to quench their Mr Vista thirst!

Worst Holiday Ever
Uploaded by MrVista - Exotic and entertaining travel videos.

Should remind you of your childhood too!

Mr Vista - the corporate shill

2009-05-24T16:18:00.003+01:00

The progress bar is the ultimate method to summarise all of life's issues. As you know.

Even the economy. And if you fancy following the advice in charge (the same people who got us in the mess in the first place!) then it seems you simply have to just go out and spend money.

Well that sounds like too much trouble. So instead stay in and purchase some Mr Vista tat and commercial rubbish. So everyone will know you are a top geek and/or nerd.

The little thingy above is a small flash app that shows you the kind of crazy stuff I'm peddling. But if it doesn't work then I have a simpler picture below.

"Push to Pull" designed by Mr Vista
Design a Custom Shirt with www.zazzle.co.uk

The impact of the recession - in progress bar form

2009-05-17T15:34:00.001+01:00

The impact of the recession - in progress bar form
Uploaded by MrVista - Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms.

Yes! Back by demand - the progress bar.

Seeing as how that was what this whole ridiculous thing was supposed to be about it makes sense to have it in every now and again. In the same way that you have to invite that uncle around 3 times a year even though he smells of despair.

Anyway, another great episode written by Dom Carver. And next time, more from Mr Vista's holiday.

Dude, where's my personal jetpack?

2009-05-03T15:55:00.002+01:00

Dude, where's my personal jetpack?
Uploaded by MrVista

You know how it is. You ask for a personal jet pack, a simple enough request, and yet it never arrives!

Of course things that have come true include being able to speak to anyone on the planet from anywhere on the planet, having access to the sum of all human knowledge and of course the ability of just about anyone to be able to create any artistic endeavor at home.

But whatever dude, where's that damn jetpack I saw when I was a nipper!

Progress, what progress?

Interview

2009-04-28T09:11:00.002+01:00

A special post today. An interview from the BBCs Pods and Blogs show on FiveLive with the creator of Mr Vista, Tim Clague.

Here is the crucial extract.

Mr Vesta

2009-04-21T23:36:00.005+01:00

Estimated time to microwave this dinner - 2 minutes. Yeah right! It seems like progress bars and the the back of food boxes have a lot in common!

Ever feel like the life is being sucked out of you? Of course you do. Why else would be here, at the home (the epicentre even) of that kind of downbeat defeatist thinking? Good on ya! Welcome.

Anyway - here is an analogy to that way of thinking as Mr Vista attempts to simply heat up his frozen lunch. Is it that simple - yes. Is it that simple for him - luckily no, or I'd be out of a job.

Today's fine episode was sent in by writer Dom Carver. Dom's original script also made reference to the progress bar - but I think his idea is strong enough without. Take it away Dom...

Mr Vesta
Uploaded by MrVista

Plus, hear all about Mr Vista on the BBC. He will feature on the Pods and Blogs show which is broadcast very early Tuesday morning. But perhaps its better to catch it online afterwards.

Free set of Mr Vista Emoticons

2009-04-13T15:58:00.007+01:00

Roll up, roll up! Get you free set of nerdy MSN* chat emoticons. Yes! You too can appear a full on nerd in front of your friends, peers, colleagues and flirt buddies. If that is your thing - and I should hope that it is.

Why simply have the letters LOL appear when instead they see this... Hilarity ensured. Be popular instantly!

Download the full set of MSN chat emoticons here. Some chat programs allow you to install this package as a zip straight in. If you can do it this way then you will find the right picture is already attached to the right phrase. Easy!

*other types of chat programs are also welcome

Funnee vid 4 sure lol

2009-04-05T12:17:00.003+01:00

Dis week u can c a vid all about smileys and acronyms. So if u dont no your 'lmao' from your 'rtfm' then this is the film 4 u! :) *

*please also be aware that I now feel ill from typing this and am expecting society to fall at any moment. But before that happens please do not deny yourself a final moment of please and the 'enjoyment' of this weeks slice of geek related fun that is Mr Vista. Take it away you blue-suited clown...

Funnee vid 4 sure lol
Uploaded by MrVista

Mr Vista tells it as it is

2009-03-29T13:32:00.002+01:00

After last weeks 'adventure' Mr Vista felt that perhaps some clarity was needed around this whole internet do-dah. So here is his latest easy to use guide. Learn! Before it is too late.

Hot girl on webcam

2009-03-22T10:18:00.002Z

Mr Vista and the hot girl
Uploaded by MrVista

Mr Vista has pulled at last! Virtually of course.

Remember the bad old days? Back then to get a cheeky peek of the female form took effort. Probably involving making 'Scuff Face' Andrews* give you a bunk up so you peek in through the girl's changing room's upper windows - as an example. What a waste of time! And they painted them over after a few weeks anyway. Pah!

Well there is none of that now. The onward march of technology, the billions of dollars invested in technology, the decades of work putting in an international network of inter-connected servers have all paid off. The time is now! Now some girls will give you a tease for free. Awesome. And better for Scuff Face's back too!

* Replace your long suffering friends name here - eg. Chubby Cheng, Killer Khan, Beak nosed Brenda or just plain old 'Fart breath'.

What's for sale on the web today?

2009-03-14T16:21:00.001Z

Hey everyone! Let's see what's for sale via google ads today... what fun...*

Click to make bigger.

*this is a lie.

Mr Vista - the tease

2009-03-08T12:22:00.003Z

How to be hot!
Uploaded by MrVista

If you have always wanted to be a first class and excellent cam-whore then Mr Vista can help you. I mean, what better way is there to gain self respect and claim your dignity than posing about on the net. I'm sure that was what the internet was invented for wasn't it. So feel free, flirt away, it makes the opposite sex value and admire you - honest!

Download free films here!

2009-02-28T15:51:00.004Z

Download free feature films here
Uploaded by MrVista

Everyone is at it. Even your dear old nan. So this week, the modern era's answer to Buster Keaton gets all piratebay on your ass. Therefore (and thus) we proudly present Mr Vista's attempt to download some free feature films. Obviously you wouldn't know anything about that - would you!

This week's guest writer is Steve Morrison. A great comedy writer... here is a plug for his new book...

Big Screen Vista

2009-02-21T09:47:00.000Z

Clearly Mr Vista had the correct drivers installed - as he made it onto the big screen. Luckily the only member of the public who actually stood and stared at a big screen in the middle of Walthamstow also happens to be a loyal Vistaron - Stuart Arnott. Don't forget, if you find big screens scary and you prefer small screens then Mr Vista is available as a video podcast on itunes here.

The inevitable consequence of increasing storage

2009-02-15T10:17:00.002Z

Mr Vista and the inevitable consequence of increasing storag
Uploaded by MrVista

You know how it is. You get your shiny new storage doo-dah and you just know that this time you will never fill it. I mean, come on, who needs to be able to store 1.4MB / 700MB / 4GB / 1TB (delete as applicable dependent upon the age of yourself) anyway? Who has that much crap? Well, clearly, you do! And so do I. Nuts.

And yes, the brain transfer kit is back. Just to wring maximum use out of our most expensive prop ever made.

This episode also features a handy blip-vert of the whole of series 1. In effect series 1 in a compressed form to save on storage. It isn't infinite you know!

And for the geeks out there - yes, that really is an original issue windows XP launch T-shirt. Jealous much?

There is no....

2009-02-12T20:43:00.001Z

Do your own version here.

Mr Freeza

2009-02-08T11:47:00.002Z

The Vista campsite is snowed in this week. Even Mr Vista looks a bit chilly!

The perils of being an early adopter

2009-02-01T10:15:00.003Z

Mr Vista and the perils of being an early adopter
Uploaded by MrVista

You know how it goes, you turn on your computer to find a new 'software update' is available to download. So you click to download and install it straight away, excited by the new features and envisioning a dream of a bug-free lifestyle - yes?

Wrong!

What are you an idiot or something? Fear change. It is there to funk up your beautiful calm existence. Don't be the first in there. Don't put your hand up and volunteer. Don't jump in with both feet, or even one foot. Let all the gung-ho fat-heads around jump in first to discover it was really a pool of acid. Those first out of the trenches are the first to be shot.

I mean, be careful, otherwise you may find something 'interesting' happens in your life. And we don't want that, do we!

As you can see this film also features Brian from Family Guy and a nice retro VHS copy of Monty Python's Life of Brian. I'll just say that again, it was Family Guy and Monty Python's Life of Brian - you know, just in case the web crawlers and search engines didn't pick it up first time :)

This is another waste of time

2009-01-30T15:55:00.005Z

Thank goodness people have been using the new and unique Mr Vista time wasting device - the doodle pad. Otherwise it would have been a waste of time making it! Get your copy here.

This is a waste of time

2009-01-25T16:42:00.003Z

Mr Vista is a waste of time. It wastes my time. And I hope it wastes yours too.

But why leave that to luck??? Watch your own working life tick away with the brand new (and colourful) Mr Vista doodlepad. Keep it on your desk to ensure that your brain power goes into the void that is vista - and not work.

Count down the minutes until home time - just like the blue hatted twat himself! Genius.

Print a new one everyone!

The best quality image is available here.

Everyone loves Ctrl Z

2009-01-17T16:03:00.003Z

Everyone loves Ctrl Z
Uploaded by MrVista

Don't you wish you could undo the past 52 seconds of your life you just wasted watching this?

Well tough.
You can't. No amount of Z key bashing can erase the image of a strange man doing very little - and doing it right on your own PC screen where you should feel safe from being abused by such nonsense and ridicule.

Anyway - shouldn't you be worried instead about trying to undo the past 10 years of your life, back to a time when words like 'potential' and 'opportunity' meant something to you rather than just sounding like cliche and callous terms your manager would say?

P.S. - the escape key won't work in real life either.

He is back - kind of - in about one week

2009-01-09T09:40:00.003Z

Mr Vista: Downloading again
Uploaded by MrVista

Yes! He is back. At last, finally, after all this time. He returns like a great blue hat wearing superhero with his green progress bar shaped cape fluttering in the wind of time. Yes back, better than ever.*

Well nearly. In fact he isn't. But he will be. Soon.
The progress bar of editing is the most erratic of all. But he will be back next week, right here.

In the meantime I found this never before seen episode left over in the 'trash'. I guess it is left over as it isn't funny, poignant or even interesting. But tough. Here it is anyway. And it will help you get the taste of failure and ineptitude back in your mouth so you can fully enjoy next week's brand new 'adventures'**

*not legally binding, you may indeed decide he is more juvenile, puerile or facile than ever.
** not strictly adventures as nothing ever happens

Help with Vista

2008-09-18T17:54:00.002+01:00

Some people are struggling with understanding Mr Vista.

Do we ignore these people and ridicule them? Yes. But after that invite them to look at this picture. It is a guide to mr vista, a help file in pictorial fashion, a comedy picture about a character based upon a certain Microsoft product from which people may derive humour, a joke, a gag from simple spoofs.

Anyway, now that I've finished trying to get this post to show up on Google searches better by jamming in loads of words just enjoy the pic above. Oh, and 'Bill Gates'!

Another chance to see...

2008-08-07T10:56:00.002+01:00

Yes! Yet another chance to see the film festival version of Mr Vista as it is part of the Edinburgh Film Festival Media Guardian Viral Showcase. The competition title is longer than the film! Anyway, all Visterons must be used to the pathetic scrabbling for attention associated with the Mr Vista shorts and I can delude myself that the repetition is all part of the Mr Vista brand. Now let's all go home and pretend this never happened.

A call to arms

2008-07-05T11:33:00.000+01:00

Mr Vista needs your help. So far we've had a few Vista fans (is that vistarenos, nah, how about vistarites or even better, yep, vistarons) send in ideas for series 2 of the big V mans adventures.

So far...

Mr Vista and the microwave dinner
Mr Vista and the satnav
Mr Vista and the air raid bunker (!)
Mr Vista and the incredible disappearing pay cheque
Mr Vista and the full bladder
Mr Vista and the vision of tomorrow
Mr Vista's guide to MSN smilies for the real world

However...
If you have an idea for a Mr Vista episode then let me know by the end of June.
Over to you Vistarons.

Mr Vista's new outfit

2008-06-29T16:02:00.001+01:00

François Sabbagh aka Fssabbagh sent in this photo for the Vistarons to enjoy. He suggest it may suit Mr Vista!

NOT 'Evolution of Dance'

2008-06-01T17:38:00.008+01:00

Mr Vista evolved from this episode...

But what of evolution of man? Note: If you want a proper Darwin poster on evolution click here

Ever feel like you are not getting anywhere? Feel as if your life is in a rut? In fact you are in a rut. And the daylight barely glints down into the muddy swill you live it? Yes!

Well worry no more! The above diagram, if studied correctly, will aid your concerns and soothe your woes. Yes. At last. The Mr Vista guide to evolution. As any foole can see it clearly highlights that no one is getting anywhere and they never will. Hurrah. Everyone else is as screwed as you. Rejoiceth one and all.

Picture stolen from here.

Big version here.

Mr Vista is breaking out

2008-05-17T17:57:00.002+01:00

Mr Vista needs your help! If you've seen the episodes then this will be plain to see. But this week he needs your help in another way. He is in two competitions.

Clearly these desperate websites are clinging to the idea that featuring Mr Vista will somehow draw in the crowds. I urge you to keep these deluded individuals where they are - do not shatter this misconception and thrust them into the real world. The real world of "no one giving a damn" that we all live in. Keep them in the belief that Mr Vista has fans so we may better study them and perhaps, in time, help them cast of their web 2.0 pretentiousness and get a real job.

Before then - just go and vote and make everyone* happy!

http://www.virginmediashorts.co.uk/film/1546482722
http://uploads.atomfilms.com/showdown.aspx

*everyone except yourself who will have wasted more of your life watching shit old episodes you've seen before.

Mr Shorta Vista

2008-05-11T21:23:00.005+01:00

Mr Shorta Vista
Uploaded by MrVista

The downbeat nature of modern living - in 90 seconds.

Yes. Another quick, mind numbing video that reeks of post modernism and tries to hide the stench under a pot pouri of glossy shiny colour correction. Still, all adds to the fun*

* please note - fun not guaranteed. Especially as this is just a quick remix of Episode 1. This version is for various festivals etc. Apologies for resultant boredom.

The Mr Vista Interactive Adventure - be him!!!

2008-05-04T14:53:00.002+01:00

Yes. It's true. Now you can live the dream. Be Mr Vista in one of his mind-numbingly average adventures. Start now.

Click here

Parallel Processing

2008-04-26T17:00:00.003+01:00

Mrs Vista shows Mr Vista how it is done!

Mr Vista says...

2008-04-20T18:45:00.002+01:00

Mr Vista says it as it is and offers a square deal for all, with extra beef!

Join the (downbeat) fun

2008-04-13T13:55:00.006+01:00

Now you too can waste your life creating a fictional world of someone wasting theirs! The post-modern genius of it all! Start today.

Everything you need is crammed into 2meg of vista-ry goodness*. Get it here progress bar fans. Download today - now with extra outer-glow and drop shadow.

With the mirth-some first file you can add a progress bar to whatever you like. What do you want to see counting down? Your status in society? The equity of your house? Perhaps your youth? Or the respect of your love ones as you spend increading hours in front of the computer.

But wait. The best is yet to come. With the giggle-lious second file you put yourself into the little blue circle - just like the V man himself. Do it for your 'friends' to make cheap birthday cards. Or perhaps, being a Mr Vista fan, you don't have any friends. In which case do it to your own picture and send it in to mrvista (at) projectorfilms (dot) com. We'll ridicule your efforts instead.

*Excluding a very expensive copy of Photoshop required to use the damn things.

Hitting the buffers

2008-04-06T20:48:00.005+01:00

Mr Vista hits the buffers
Uploaded by MrVista

Yes. That's right. Even progress must come to the end. And so the first series of Mr Vista draws to a close. 100% complete.

That means our lives can return to normal. No more mocking Mr Vista and his pathetic girly-slaps at the IT age. No more looking at ourselves and realising we were no better. No more waiting for Microsoft to knock on my door. No more ridiculous excuses as to why none of these damn films actually have a conclusion.

We are free. Free from Mr Vista and the crushing weight of his spot-on ridicule of our meaningless lives.

It's over. Finished. Shut down without installing updates.

See you next time.

Have your cake and eat it

2008-03-30T18:28:00.004+01:00

Mr Vista has his cake and eats it
Uploaded by MrVista

Mr Vista is living with the fallout from his birthday. Ah sod it - just eat the damn cake!

Perhaps you too have to settle for the sensation of sugar and a full stomach instead of having the warm glow of being surrounded by people who actually like you - or can even tolerate you. Maybe a bulletin on myspace, a quick twitter and a status update on facebook to your 2000 friends wasn't enough to ensure that even one would ever actually show up in the flesh. But never mind. Bright green icing will numb the pain. And sponge is mostly air anyway.

Get it

2008-03-25T20:40:00.003Z

As featured in the previous video - don't forget you can be equally as depressed about life by owning your own Mr Vista calendar. Get it today and marvel and simple lack of any design or pictures. Wow. Post modern and ironic.

Mr Vista celebrates another 365 days of being on-line

2008-03-23T17:03:00.003Z

Happy Birthday Mr Vista
Uploaded by MrVista

If you, or anyone you know, has a birthday this year. You'll love this...

Perhaps you too feel the progress bar of your earthly existence slipping away. Remember when you were young, you had your whole progress bar in front of you? A long expanse of transparent glass-effect goodness and hope?

Not anymore.

These days the green seems to be oozing out of every pixel. And the one thing you fear more than the fact it is colouring is - is when it will stop. And all those so-called choices you made didn't really make any difference as the bar continued it's relentless dash towards the end of the window.

Maybe you even have a page-a-day calendar. Perhaps a Dilbert one, or one with dogs on it. Good for you. A quick giggle everyday. Well from now on, everytime you rip off a page, I hope you'll remember Mr Vista and ruminate upon your rapidly depleting days upon this Earth.

Enjoy. It's supposed to be comedy you know.

Mr Vista - the devil is in the detail

2008-03-16T17:40:00.003Z

After last weeks loss of the progress bar, ITS BACK. Loads of them.

Behold the incredible detail of the official Mr Vista poster. Have it as a wallpaper / desktop. Print it out. Whatever.

Blogger won't allow the full glory to shine through as they limit the size of pictures. So to get the full 4804x3456 pixel version. Go here.

Podcast

2008-03-13T09:37:00.002Z

Now fully available on iTunes

If you have it running on Vista then please send it a screengrab for all the world to see!

1-800-support

2008-03-09T17:05:00.002Z

Mr Vista: 1-800-SUPPORT
Uploaded by MrVista

This week (as you are all big Mr Vista fans by now) there was no need to actually add the progress bar - you can imagine it yourself!

Mr Vista and the meaning of life

2008-03-02T16:34:00.002Z

Mr Vista and the meaning(less) of life
Uploaded by MrVista

Mr Vista gets philosophical on ya assss!

(with special attention for Mr Vista fan DC - no cars this time!)

Less slush

2008-02-27T21:08:00.002Z

If you're loving your Valentine's vista desktop - but fear the wrath of your colleagues as they ridicule your romantic side then this new desktop / wallpaper is for you!

Mr Vista can't wait to go home

2008-02-24T19:25:00.003Z

Mr Vista and the day dream
Uploaded by MrVista

Time drags. So a little day dreaming helps.

See your own life slicing away

2008-02-21T18:05:00.000Z

YES! Now you too can enjoy watching your life slicing away one pixel at a time. In real time!!! Except instead of blocky old pixels you can count away the days.

Available now, and about 2 months too late to be of any use, it's the Mr Vista calendar. Give it to your boss with a cryptic 'get fired' note written in for 4 months time. Give it to an elderly relative so they are reminded of their impending demise. Or even better - keep it for yourself in the vain attempt that people will think you actually made it yourself and are creative.

Whatever you do with it. Download it today. Or maybe tomorrow. Or maybe never.

The Mr Vista 2008 Calendar. Because witnessing the futility of your own existence has never been so much fun!

Please note. This is a 7 meg download. So get extra progress bar excitement watching it download!"

He has, have you?

2008-02-18T20:57:00.005Z

Don't forget to install your Mr Vista backdrop / wallpaper. Steve has. If you have already, then send it in.

USB - unusually slow boiling

2008-02-17T17:09:00.002Z

Mr V just wants a cup of tea. But then his colleague, the World's most boring man (TM) arrives. Please you stupid kettle, BOIL!!!

Mr Vista: USB - unusually slow boiling
Uploaded by MrVista

If you have a colleague like the one Mr Vista works with then send it on - anonymously of course. Or leave a comment.

New visitors

2008-02-15T16:03:00.002Z

"Hejsa" to all the new visitors from Mr Vista!

Vista desktop

2008-02-14T00:09:00.003Z

Mr Vista meets XP
Boy meets girl
Mouse meets icon

Enjoy Valentine's Day with a new hi-res Mr Vista desktop background. Show everyone in the office you are a sad lonely person - but proud of it. Or send it to a loved one. Either is good.

You can also get it from here.

Important note: you don't need to use Vista to enjoy the amazing artistic and comedic qualities of this desktop.

Episode 3: A vista valentine

2008-02-10T18:03:00.000Z

Episode 3: A vista valentine
Uploaded by MrVista

'Happy' Valentine's from Mr Vista. Please pass on to your lonely geek friends.

Mr Vista saw this...

2008-02-07T15:17:00.001Z

Episode 2: In-Stall

2008-02-03T10:10:00.000Z

Episode 2: In-Stall
Uploaded by MrVista

Mr Vista descends into low-tech this week (I'm afraid). This is dedicated to everyone who has ever wasted the whole of their tea break.

And this weeks episode is ever shorter following requests for a more punchy Mr V experience.

Episode 1

2008-01-27T17:17:00.000Z

No one ever got anywhere through progress!

Episode 1: No one got anywhere through progress
Uploaded by MrVista

Progress is coming...

2008-01-03T21:05:00.000Z